How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
