Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
