So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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