all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
