I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Walk of Shame today included voting.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
