if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
