mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
