When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
