Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
