The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
