You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
