Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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