I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
