And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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