i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
