I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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