Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize