he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
