she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
