I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I am naked and annoyed.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
