Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
