We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
