in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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