I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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