wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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