So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
