I wish I could punch you in the face.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
