yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
