went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
