I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
