garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i've created a new STD.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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