Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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