I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
