I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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