I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
