What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
