I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
