Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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