she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
