Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
