you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
