It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She even gives head with a lisp.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
