and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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