i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
