i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
