would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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