I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
