I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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