Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
