Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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