I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
