if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
