i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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