White coat. Heels.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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