take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
