my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
