Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
When are your genitals available?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
